Will Not Be Moved By It

I can’t live the way I’ve been living.
I’ve been overcome, overwhelmed with deep grief, deep anger, and a deeper still sense of hopelessness. For me, that’s a no-fly zone. If I feel hopeless, the next step is for me to accept that everything is pointless. That it’s all worth nothing. If I’m swimming in those waters, I’m not functioning and thriving, and if I’m not doing those things, I’m of no use to anyone. At which point it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, and there truly is no point in my being here.
In order to function and thrive, I have to be in touch with the joy that’s at the core of who I am.
So I’ve come to a decision.
I’m going to allow myself joy, fun, laughter, until it’s time to be otherwise.
Then I’ll be otherwise. But I won’t conflate the two.
I can choose to let myself be what I am.
I don’t have to change that just because I’m only now seeing the extent of the evil that’s in the world.
I’m not going to let that change me except for the better.
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