5 Tips For Sounding Smarter (And Writing That Way)

Like most everything else on earth involving humans, grammar is prone to flights of fancy. We all remember when you used to be able to say “Ain’t” ain’t in the dictionary!, right? Well, some things remain solid and unmoving. Those things are important to know. Here are five of them.  Smart chicks will dig you. Smart dudes will dig you. Grammarian snobs will sleep more soundly at night. Win-win-win.

1. Learn when to use “I” and when to use “me.”
Here’s what I mean:

Alex is going to meet up with Claire and I. Really? Hmm. Let’s see if that’s true.  Take Claire out of the picture.

Alex is going to meet up with I. Nah.  Sounds odd, right?

Alex is going to meet up with me. And since Claire had long since planned to come along (he’s a bit rash, that Alex, always changing his mind at the last minute)…

Alex is going to meet up with Claire and me.

Voilá. It takes less time to do this in your head than it did to read all of that. Promise.

2. Admit you don’t know something.
We all want to be considered with-it. But what if next time someone brings up a topic that you only know from a headline somewhere–whether it’s a political situation, a band or whatever–what if you said, “You know, I don’t know much about that at all! Tell me about it.” Ooh! Controversial. Refreshing, even. (PS, That blank look rats you out anyway.)

3. It’s would have, should have and could have.
Not would of, should of and could of.   “Have” can sound like “of” sometimes, but that’s where the similarities end. Two different words, those. With two different meanings.

4. It’s voilá.
Not wah-lah. So you don’t speak French. Big deal. But if you’re going to use a word, you probably ought to know how to do it right, whether you’re saying it or typing it.

5. Is there a smaller word you could use? Use it. Economy is everything. Sometimes, for the sake of being funny, obnoxious, pompous, and/or all three, verbose is the way to go. But most of the time? Nuh-uh. Keep it simple, sweetheart.

Remember, it’s a wise person who does not fear looking foolish–but it’s just plain dumb not to know what you’re talking about. Right? Right. Consider it value-add. For the world around you.

Re-writing the Script

It’s not a new concept. We live our lives by the script inside our head, usually completely unaware of it, assuming the script is simply who we are. But it’s not, really.

Re-writing the script is difficult. Aside from an incredible amount of self-awareness, it involves holding each belief up to the light, examining it closely, figuring out what purposes it serves, what purposes it has served. Where has it helped? How is it holding me back? What if I could replace it with a different belief? What if I could drop it altogether?

But that’s not the scary part, as it turns out. The scary part is after that, when you’ve cleaned house and you’re on your way, and nothing–nothing!–looks or feels familiar. That’s when you’ll be tempted to turn back. Because the devil you know, and all that.

This is where faith comes in. This is where your mettle is tested, your big words, the ones you use to encourage the beautiful souls around you. Faith. Don’t look down. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even when you have convinced yourself that you are in danger of falling, that you are alone, that even if you weren’t alone, nobody here knows you or cares.

You keep going. You keep it at. If you have to do what feels like lying to yourself, you do it.

It’s not lying: you’re not alone.

Photo by kwerfeldein

Top Five Twitter Tips

(Originally posted April 3 on Old Soul Ink.)

For those about to Twitter: I salute you. You’re taking a step in the right direction! Twitter will absolutely help you to connect to your audience (assuming your audience is on Twitter, right?), whether that audience is “women over the age of 35 who read AdBusters” or “skateboarders who are obsessed with Dogtown.” Good on ya for making the jump from scoffer to believer, or at least to willing-er.

Anyway, strange perceptions about Twitter abound, and I field so many questions about it that I thought perhaps a basic how-to would be useful.  Here, then, are the five things I find most important. It’s obviously not A Comprehensive Guide to Twittering Success. Also, it is in no way meant to imply that my own Tweets are fascinatingly perfect, or even live anywhere near that neighborhood. Rather, it’s a broad-strokes version of what I try to keep in mind as I do this.

Ready? Okay.

1. Be polite (gosh!). You’re there to participate in discussions. I know you know this, but sometimes we all have trouble remembering it and start thinking we’re there to perform THE MOST AMAZING MONOLOGUE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. (I am guilty of this myself. Which is why it’s good that I also have a blog.) Discussions involve other people, other points of view, and require your attention. Respond to the people who send you @ messages, particularly if you are big on asking open-ended questions. Even more particularly if you use people’s responses as market research. Otherwise, you look like a boor. And I don’t know about you, but I do enough boor impersonations in person; the least I can do for my cause is try not to do it in text.

2. Provide useful and/or interesting content. I can’t tell you how many otherwise interesting people I’ve shied away from on Twitter simply because their updates read something like this:

otherwiseawesome Going to bed.
otherwiseawesome Hey guys good morning!
otherwiseawesome Had really great pasta lunch
otherwiseawesome Brushing teeth to go out pesto in teeth! LOL
otherwiseawesome Going to bed.

To quote @maggie: No one cares what you had for lunch. Is there an article you think is really helpful/inspiring/hilarious? An application/band/bakery you’ve just started using/listening to/frequenting that you can’t get enough of? Chances are very good someone else will feel the same way about it! Give people the opportunity to learn about things they may otherwise never hear about. Weigh in on a debate. Suggest a new way of doing things. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering; sincerity really does go a long way here. Did you see something bizarre on your way home from work?

whatpossessedme A blind homeless man serenaded us with a toothless rendition of “DA YA THINK I’M SEXY” on the subway tonight. Someone shouted “NO!”

3. …But! Be human. No one is a clever-clever machine all the time. The everyday bits (minutia, if you will!) can be just as interesting as the clever-clever bits. Context is everything. For instance, @kellysims is a freelance graphic designer; he often Tweets about on-the-job idiosyncracies, and you don’t need to be a designer to be in on the joke:

kellysims I’m working from a photocopied paper that has been marked up with orange marker, red pen and black pen. All by 3 people. Oh, and stickies.

At the opposite end of the spectrum is another of my favorites, @nickcave, whose full name is Fake Nick Cave. The person behind it obviously knows a lot about the real Nick Cave–enough that nearly all of the Tweets are everyday bits, which is what makes them hilarious:

nickcave Grooming my moustache.

Context. Context. Context.

4. Improve your editing skills. This sounds all tedious and scholarly, but all it means is: figure out which parts of your message are the most compelling. You’ve only got 140 characters, so make each one count. Look around at the people whose Tweets you find most interesting. I bet you’ll find their content is short, sweet and to the point. Which is kind of the point, after all; Twitter isn’t for rambling. Plus, no one likes to read a message comprised primarily of abbreviated words.

5. Avoid the hard sell. Avoid it like the plague. I mean, look–so many of us are entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, what-have-you. It’s almost a given that if you’re on Twitter, you’ve got a blog, at the very least, that you’d like to promote. If you’re selling something, the way to do it on Twitter is to be interested, interesting and sincere. There are so many services looking for customers out there that your personality is going to be the number-one thing that sets you apart. If you come across all “What’s it going to take to send you home with a car today?” then chances are pretty good you will annoy the very people whose business you want.

In the end, what you need to know on Twitter really isn’t all that different from what you already know about life. Be nice. Be interested. Be generous. Be self-aware. Be your best self. The sky may be falling and the web may seem like the Wild West even at this late date, but it’s still a very (very, very) small world. Act accordingly, and you’ll be pleased with the outcome.

And if you still have questions, feel free to drop me a line.