My hope is that tomorrow morning this seems more “hilariously absurd” and less “my blood vessels are bursting.” And that, dear friend, is why I share it with you.
On Monday, I received an email from someone I don’t know; let’s call her Jane Doe. I was one of many people to receive her email, and it seemed to have something to do with local politics in a county about 300 miles north of where I live. I wondered how I’d received it, until I saw that one of my email addresses, ejgibsonATgmailDOTcom, was paired with a woman we’ll refer to as JC Gibson. So, I emailed Jane Doe to let her know that there had been an error. I then received an email from someone who had hit “reply all,” at which point I let the entire list know about the mix-up.
And hilarity ensued. And ensued. And ensued.
And ensued.
***
From: Emma Alvarez Gibson
To: [Everyone on list]
The email address ejgibsonATgmailDOTcom is listed here erroneously as belonging to someone named [JC] Gibson. Please remove that address from your lists and contact [JC] via telephone for her correct email address.
Thank you,
Emma Alvarez Gibson
***
From: Jane Doe
To: Emma Alvarez Gibson
We are not aquainted. You are not on my email list and yet you get
sent my emails. I have complained to Comcast and I will complain
again.
[Jane]
***
From: Emma Alvarez Gibson
To: [Jane Doe]
[Jane], my email address (ejgibsonATgmailDOTcom) is on your list, as [JC Gibson]. Please just get [JC]‘s email address and replace mine.
Thank you.
***
From: Jane Doe
To: Emma Alvarez Gibson
I am trying. Comcast said they will get their most expert person on the
job to figure out how this happens. I can assure you that at no time did
I put your name onto [JC]‘s email address. I am hoping they can solve
this problem.
***
From: Emma Alvarez Gibson
To: [Jane Doe]
Thanks, [Jane]. Just to clarify, it’s my email address (ejgibsonATgmailDOTcom) that’s paired with [JC Gibson]‘s name on your list, not the other way around, as you stated.
Thanks again!
***
From: [Jane Doe]
To: Emma Alvarez Gibson
[JC],
this woman is getting my email and I am wondering if you are
getting her email or if you are getting my email.
I don’t know this woman and comcast is trying to
figure it out. Evidently she has a gmail account similar
to yours as well as this litmusstudio account.
Very confusing.
[Jane]
***
From: Emma Alvarez Gibson
To: [Jane Doe]
[Jane], Once again, you have [JC]‘s name linked to my email address in your address book. It has nothing to do with Comcast. You have simply input the wrong email address into your email address book. Please, I am asking again, simply delete my email address and get Janet’s correct email address, preferably via telephone.
Thank you.
***
A couple of things here. First, I get the impression that Jane Doe believes email can be switched around like snail mail–”Whoops! Looks like the mailman dropped this off at the wrong house!” Second, did she read anything I had written to this point? Any of it?
Moving on. I decided to do a search for [JC Gibson]‘s email address. Three seconds later, I had it. What do you know? The one I found was very similar to mine, except for the ISP.
***
From: Emma Alvarez Gibson
To: [Everyone on the list]
A quick Google search shows that [JC Gibson]‘s email is ejgibsonATearthlink.net and NOT ATgmail.com.Please change this information in your address books, as I have no interest in continuing to receive email intended for [JC Gibson].
Thank you.
***
From: [Yet another woman I don't know, whose display name actually, comically, tragically says "Esq." after her last name. Really?]
To: Emma Alvarez Gibson
I am sorry you are getting unwanted email from someone. But I do not think I am sending you anything. You are simply replying “to all”. So please quit sending me email. Delete me from your response and I will not send you any email.
***
And now we’ve reached the point in the evening where my brain broke. As you’ll be able to see from my response to Lady Pompous, Esquire.
***
From: Emma Alvarez Gibson
To: [Firstname Lastname] Esq
Dear [Firstname Lastname] Esq,
In point of fact, you did send me email, just now. However, I do understand that you have no desire to receive email from me; and this desire is mutual on my behalf.
Goodbye forever.
Yours,
Emma Gibson
***
Exactly five minutes later, this came in.
***
From: [Jane Doe]
To: Emma Alvarez Gibson
Well, you were right, I didn’t get the change correct.
It has been changed to: [an incredible four first initials]gibsonATgmailDOTcom. She has closed her
earthlink account.
Sorry about all this,
[Jane]
***
Jane, I regret to inform you that YOU FAIL INTERNET. And reading simple directions. And computers. Also, I hope you plan to call Comcast and apologize to them for having them put “their most expert person” on this hot case.
UPDATE!
Because just as I hit “publish,” this came in, I KID YOU NOT.
***
Dear Friends,
Gretchen forwarded this email to me. Please allow me to correct the asterisked, quote below: My new Email address is: [an incredible four first initials]gibsonATgmailDOTcom. (I am discontinuing my former Earthlink address.) Who is Emma Alvarez Gibson?
Thank you, [JC]
***
It’s like that awful old practical joke, where a bunch of people call a business and all ask for the same nonexistent person, and then one last person calls, claiming to be said nonexistent person and wanting to know whether they have any messages.
Next up: is your refrigerator running? Oh, and PS, I received that last email twice, since it went to–yes, you guessed it–both that Gmail address and the Litmus Studio address.
