Books I Have Loved

Posted

# 2: TEEN SCENE: 1001 Groovy Hints & Tips, by the Editors of NEW IDEAS FOR TEENS (THIS BOOK IS RATED “T” FOR TUNED-IN TEENS)

Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. This book is hot, unadulterated awesome. It’s chapter after chapter of (hope you’re sitting down!) tips for teens, sorted by category, all of it designed to make you realize that Baby Boomers really did come from a different world.

For instance:

Boys! Boys! Boys! WHERE TO FIND YOURS, AND HOW TO KEEP HIM THAT WAY (followed by…)
Girls Count Too IN THE GOLDEN CHAIN OF FRIENDSHIP, DON’T BE THE MISSING LINK
The Hostess With The Mostes’ CAN A GIRL WITH TEN COUPLES COMING OVER HAVE FUN AT HER OWN PARTY? YES! [Ladies' Home Journal of 1953 called about a stolen headline..?]
What Size? Exercise! KEEP IN TRIM — OR GET BACK IN

(I do vividly recall that the “Editors” cheated by using a few of the tips in more than one category. Bastards.)

This well-loved, if puzzling, tome belonged to my mom, who read it cover to cover while in junior high. Because I was obsessed with becoming a teenager and waited angrily for my turn, I read this gem repeatedly during grade school. Thankfully, there seems not to have been any lasting damage, so–let’s jump right in, shall we?

Have you been limiting yourself to one, best girl friend? Don’t drop her, but do branch out. Friends lead to other friends and parties and that’s what you’re looking for, right? [Hellz yeah, I'm lookin' for a party! Woo!]

Don’t be afraid to dress dramatic for your own party. Wear a long hostess skirt. Or make yourself black velvet knickers [note to friends outside the US: that does not mean underpants, but rather knee-length trousers.]. Wear bowed patent-leather shoes and a ruffled shirt. [Welcome to me party, mateys! Ah, these black velvet knickers? I just threw them together this afternoon. YARGH!]

Practice painting portraits of yourself to give as gifts. [I am speechless.]

Knit-wits are tie-ing up their gift problems by doing Daddy’s favorite colors on their nimble needles. [I am speechless and gagging.]

Get up a beginners’ bridge game, or find a parent to teach this fascinating game to you and your friends. Knowing how to play can broaden your social horizons now and in the future. [Why, the future certainly sounds absolutely fascinating. Let's hurry and get there, Muffy.]

Note: I’m saving tonight’s best for last. Not for any sort of dramatic effect, no–merely because once I’ve typed this last bit in, I’ll require a bit of a lie-down to recover. Thank you for reading.

And yes. Yes, there will be more.

Want to make him feel protective? Give yourself the “little girl look,” and turn him into your knight in shining armor. Braids will do the trick. Big braids for evening, or thin braids wound into a tiny chignon. During the day, wear your braids either long and tied with big ribbons, or wound around your head peasant-style.