Ooh, look! My very own advice column! Yes, I’m totally serious. It’s a part-time job for me anyway, so I figured I would go public with it. Need advice? Send me your quandary and I’ll address it here.
Hi Emma,
A few years ago I started sitting with a meditation group and I ended up taking refuge in that lineage. I feel very connected to this lineage, but I don’t feel a good connection with the local group. I do support them financially, both the larger entity and the local group, but I don’t sit with them any longer. I’ve found some other local groups from other traditions both within and outside the Buddhist tradition that I’m interested in exploring, but I feel like it would be more “flaky” behavior. Any thoughts?
EC, Nashville, TN
Hi, EC –
What I’m hearing from your letter is that you really love the discipline you’ve been a part of, but do not feel that you are spiritually aligned with the particular group you’ve been practicing with. You have continued to support both the larger and smaller groups financially. Meanwhile, you want to look around and find a group where you can feel at home. Does that about sum it up?
None of this sounds remotely flaky. In fact, I can very much relate to feeling totally out of alignment with a group of people who gather to participate in a discipline you love; it’s happened to me more than once, which is why I’ve visited and/or joined and then left various churches in the last 10 years. What catches my attention, though, is that you used the phrase “more ‘flaky’ behavior.” That makes me wonder who has been labeling you like that? Is it someone else? Is it you?
If you’ve been calling yourself flaky, knock it off. To do this, examine what it is that’s pushing the “flaky” button in you–perhaps the feeling that someone whose opinion you trust would disapprove? Well, what’s the worst that could happen if that were the case? There are two scenarios possible there, the way I see it: either this person would disapprove so strongly that he/she felt they could no longer be in your life–in which case, their problem’s way too big to solve here–or they’ll disapprove and then get over it. (Sometimes just ignoring the issue altogether is the same thing as “getting over it.”)
Obviously, this is something that’s meaningful for you. So why allow someone else’s opinion to back you into a corner? Ultimately, you’re the only person who has to walk around in your shoes.
Emma
